Olandria's Love

Our dear Olandria. Loved by many, trusted by all, the classiest of them all. Everything she has presented herself to be on screen has been rooted in authenticity. On numerous occasions, she has made it clear that who she is and where her values lie will never waver simply because she is surrounded by production.

While I already loved her for her beauty and poise, I started to relate to her even more by the end of Season 20. So many people online came for her because they felt as if she didn’t try hard enough to stay in Casa Amor or fumbled with Nic due to her coupling and loyalty to Taylor—but honestly, I get it. When you're clear on your desires and have done the work to heal and grow in order to be ready to receive the blessing of a partnership, it is difficult to come to terms with the fact that a connection that seemed aligned with what you're looking for turns out not to be the one.

You come to believe that the things that are actually red flags are simply tests for you two to overcome—that as long as you stay understanding and patient, it will all work itself out. But then eventually, you find yourself having to “prove” your worth to someone who would never care to prove themselves to you. And as time goes on, there continue to be instances where the other person begins to show their disinterest or dissatisfaction more visibly and bluntly—until one day, they betray you in a way that seems to come out of nowhere. That’s when it finally clicks that the feelings and desires you have for them are not mutual.

I, unfortunately, have been in more than one of these scenarios. I’ve prayed, journaled, gone to therapy, and done so much more to heal my childhood trauma, daddy issues, and triggers in order to emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepare myself for the love I aspired to one day have. And then, once you believe you are in a really good place and a man (or woman or person) comes along and appears to be the reward for all your hard work—it ends up becoming another lesson.

As someone who is overly reflective, I tend to be able to look back at past relationships and see where that person started to show clear signs of their disinterest or incompatibility with me… once my head has cleared and I’ve emotionally moved on, of course. I’m able to see where I acted below my worth, where I accepted things that went against my true desires, and where I lost sight of who I was.

Situations like these are so frustrating and disheartening because it’s just like, “Well damn, how could I have done all that work just to end up in a situation like this?” “What is it that I’m doing wrong?” Or simply, “Why is this happening?” I personally have been unable to come to a better understanding than this: some people are a test to your growth—or simply, some people just suck, and you do your best to see the red flags sooner.

Either way, I want those of us who have been in similar situations not to sulk about all the things we could have or should have done, because you didn’t and that’s okay - you're not perfect. And for the people who have never been in a situation like this—because apparently seeing and accepting red flags is so so so obvious (sarcasm, obviously)—please give grace and empathize with those going through it, including Olandria. Our desires sometimes become so strong that the droplets of potential we experience unfortunately become misinterpreted as being “it”. So much so, that the thought of letting it slip through our fingers becomes unfathomable. And that is a very common and normal experience to have. It is not desperation, it is not stupidity- it is belief that our dreams can indeed come true and are within our reach… don’t we all want that?

So again, I don’t have a true answer for why these things happen or how to fully avoid them (because trust me, I’ve tried), but I do have a few statements that remain true no matter what:

• People with genuine hearts and intentions deserve a love as pure as them—as pure as you.

• A person's actions are not a reflection of you or your worth.

• No matter how high-caliber of a person you are, someone who is not worthy of you—or meant for you—will never be able to truly have you, regardless of how you feel.

• What is for you will always be for you, even if it takes a bit longer to obtain.

• Never lose sight of who you are or all you’ve grown to be, because although the road feels discouraging now, you’ll one day see why all the pain and experiences were worth it.

Oh! And to my black women specifically, you deserve to be soft, you deserve to be protected, you deserve to be loved❤️