You Don't Know What You Don't Know

I chose to title my blog “You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know” because it honestly just made sense for the phase of life I’m in. It’s become a constant reminder — a mantra of sorts — that has recently started to bring me a sense of solace, even though I initially rejected it.

I feel like the phrase is a pretty simple concept to understand, but difficult to actually accept in practice. The first time I heard it, I was pissed off about a work-related situation. I was venting to my supervisor about how incompetent I felt in the role, and when he dropped that phrase on me, I kind of rolled my eyes. I remember thinking, “Okay, but I should know these things.” Like, I should just get it, execute, and move on. And if I’m not good at something, that must mean I’ve failed — that I’m just not good enough.

That feeling — the self-doubt, the frustration — is something I know so many of us can relate to. Something doesn’t work out the first time, or we get criticized, or we start comparing ourselves to others and wonder why we can’t just be that or do that in the same capacity — or better. But if you don’t even know what to do in the first place, how can you expect to get it right?

Over the years, I’ve learned that life has a funny way of humbling you and introducing you to things you never imagined you’d have to deal with. In the moments where life felt chaotic or I felt like a complete failure, I didn’t realize how much those experiences were actually shaping me. I’ve gotten to a place now where, when things don’t go as planned or life feels heavy and unclear, I try to embrace the confusion and the newness of it all.

There comes a point where you realize: when life feels like it’s going to shit, you have a choice. You can either add to the negativity or choose to see the silver lining — to willingly participate in the discomfort and the unfolding journey.

You don’t know what you don’t know feels like the perfect title for your early to mid-20s. There are so many firsts, so many new experiences, layers of understanding, and unlearning. And if we’re too hard on ourselves, we’ll end up drowning in the negativity, letting outside forces dictate how we move through life. But this phrase — it reminds me to offer myself grace and compassion as I navigate adulthood for the first time.

There’s so much happening in our lives, and it’s impossible to always know the right thing to do, say, or even think. But what I believe is most important is that, in the midst of all life’s transitions, we find comfort in knowing we’re not alone — not in our struggles, our growth, our healing, or our wins.

Many of my journal entries will simply reflect on new life experiences — things I never imagined I’d go through. Sometimes, they won’t have an answer or a resolution. And I’m okay with that. At the very least, I’m making a promise to myself to write honestly and vulnerably, in the hopes that my ups and downs resonate with whoever chooses to read. And I hope that, a few years from now, my future self will look back at these entries and smile — smile at all the unknowns that once felt so heavy, but ended up working out in the end.